Marriage 101: Romance and Reconnection

    If you are anything like me, you are, as the typical girl always is, a hopeless romantic. I dream of coming home from a hard days work to candle-lit dinners, dancing, and a passionate night of reconnecting with my spouse. However, the spouse, might think donuts and watching sports is good enough for the both of you. I am finding it hard to convey what I think is romance, for fear that it will sound too corny or will take a huge amount of effort the spouse's part. Romance, is more than just saying I love you. It's putting that little note in their lunch. It's having a planned date out on the town. Maybe it's watching a movie together or just staring into each others eyes. Whatever it is, the whole point isn't to live in a fantasy world or like the movies. It's to reconnect with your partner at the end of a day and to become one with each other. I like the connection I have when the cellphones are off, and the hustle-bustle of the world is shut out, if only fo a movie's length.
    Men are mostly not into the whole drawn out emotional connection idea, while most women feed off of it. I mean what woman could really deny a chance to dance with, hold, and enjoy time with that most special person? It's too good and too rare not to take advantage of.
    Women: this is for you. Don't feel alone when the guy in your life is not the romantic kind. A great number of women deal with this. I'm going to give you some suggestion on how to pull him in to the romantic whirlpool of love and passion. A few ideas:
    1: lunchbox love - make a favorite lunch, andsend and I love you note to work with him.
    2: Text Tenderness - text him once or twice and tell him you are thinking of him and can't wait to see him when he comes home from work.
    3: Dinner and Dancing: Make him a special dinner of his favorite things, and have soft music (I prefer Frank Sinatra), playing for background. For added dramatic effect, light a few candles and have some chocolate as a palet cleanser before starting the meal.
    4: Feeding Fidelity: Feeding one another during a special dinner is a time to be intimate and too spoil one another.
    5: Never feel like he needs to make the first move ladies, most men don't know the romantic ways... so be compassionate and show them what you want
    6: Romantic Movies - enjoy a romantic movie together and snuggle......nothing says love like one on one time spent just enjoy a caring snuggle.

    Remember, show them what you want. Men aren't mind readers. Most need guidence and patience in learning what you want. I hope this helps all the ladies out there, I know romance is sometimes a rare thing... so bring it back to life!
To the men: you are great! Stay confident, treat your lady like she is a queen, and show her how much you love and appreciate her. I promise you WON'T regret it!

Time to Budget Your Time

     Late to church? Late to work? Late to almost any event you are invited to, including the ones you are in charge of? Almost every new couple has one early person and one late person.....if you both are one or the other, its a little easier to deal with since you both feel the same way whether time is important or not. I'm sure everyone tries to be on time, however, some of us tend to lolly-gag, dilly-dally, or even just plain not care. Time is important....whether we like it or not.
     While I grew up with a fear of even being close to on time, I usually find myself at the place I am supposed to be entirely to early...(some times 30-45 minutes before). Most of my friends run on a "just in time" schedule....and my spouse loves to take his time. We make it to where we need to be.....and sometimes my "we are 30 seconds to the time we need to be there" panic attack about kills me. Imagine a nail-biting, frantic haired woman sitting in the passenger seat of the car  at 5 seconds to 9am church...Yeah folks... that woman is me. However, we find the time to compromise and get through it.
   Let's figure this out with a little test :
          are you:
             A) 15 minutes early
             B)  5 minutes early
             C)  right on time
             D)  Always late
             E) a Constant No Show

Do this test for you and your spouse to determine if you are :

           A) Male based Early late couple
           B) Female Based early late couple
           C) Equality early couple
           D) Equality late couple
           E) Lack of motivation couple

Once you have found out what type of time couple you are.... you can fix the problem.

So, I am a Female based early late couple pattern, based on me being really early and my spouse being an on time or late person.

Ways to fix it:
     I choose to give constant reminders on time scheduling and writing a time scale out for my family. Some choose to have watches with time alerts in order to budget time. If you find yourself to early to something, start getting ready later or do a chore around the house. If you are always late, figure out what distracts you and budget, budget, budget! Equality time people have to be overly cautious, since both of you could be one way or the other. Always be patient and never get mad, just remind them that you are trying to help them be better......because we are better together!



             

Marriage 101: The Dish Duty Dilemma

               Dishes.

 The one thing everyone debates about in a house hold. While splitting the chores is great there always is the dish dilemma lurking in the shadows. I was unfortunate enough to have moved into an apartment where ther is no dishwasher, so we have to pay extra attention to trying to do the dishes on a regular basis. Our standing of "Mount Dishalicious" stands as an awful reminder of the "Whose turn is it to do the dishes?" game. Often times couples have this very problem and one spouse or the other gives in because it gets pretty embarrassing when you can see your creation of dish art can be seen two stories down and a half a block away,from the outside of your apartment complex window. I know it's hard to muster up the courage and do the dishes, especially when the dish water smells like a sewer, but we all need to do better at this so here are things we can all do to make the dishes a bit easier:
  
    -Put water in dishes immediately, so they soak and stuff isn't suck on there.
    -Eat at the table, it makes the reminder of dish duty a big red flag so you do it faster
    -If its silverware, wash it immediately.....it's easy and takes five seconds
    -Everyday, collect every dish from anywhere in the house and put all dirty dishes in the sink with
          fresh, hot water
  
Now that we have an idea of what can make it easier, let'stry to fix that arguement of  "Who does the dishes tonight?"
   
      -Make a chore chart
      -Split up days, and do it every other day
      -Make a sign that politely states to wash out the dish right after using
      -Prompt each other to be better at not leaving dishes about the house
      -Always be complimentary for good behavior

Sometimes, it gets to the point of being annoyed over not doing dishes and having it build up. Don't let it get to that point. Make it easier on yourself and your spouse......Pick and choose your battles! This shouldn't be a battle....after all....it's only dishes.

Marriage 101: The Toilet Seat Debate

     Whether you grew up as an only child or in a house full of boys, there is one common problem we all seem to run into on a daily basis. Being as I was an only child, when I married my husband, I learned fairly quickly to look before sitting down to do business. Which leads my to my topic of the day: Toilet Seat Debate.
     It was my first really significant arguement I had with my husband when we got married and started living together. The first few weeks I fell in quite regularly, and each time he simply would ask why I hadn't looked. Exasperatedly, I always replied, "Why don't you just put the seat down?" and our day would go on.
     However, soon I became irritated and things blew up when I had fallen in enough times. Men rationalize the woman should look, women think the man should be more thoughtful. It's not easy going from living in an apartment in college with all girls to living with a guy and figuring his ways out. So here is what I've gathered from my marriage: no begging or pleading is going to get my guy to put that seat down. End of story.
    
      So here is what you can do to fix the problem:

               -Write a reminder note that sits in front of the toilet
               -Ask him every time he exits the bathroom
               -Remind him it can be a health hazard
               -Reward good behavior
               -Always give compliments for his remembering
               -Make him clean the toilet once in a while so he sees if he makes a mess
               -Persistance and Patience are key elements!

    I have yet to get mine to the next level, but come to an agreement on it......and as always show love and affection towards one another. It's a small problem......it can be fixed with care and compassion, and maybe alittle nudge from time to time. We love our spouse, let's love them alittle more today than we did yesterday!